I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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