There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
