my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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