It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
