my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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