I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
