Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
