Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
