is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
