not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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