It was confusing and full of hummus
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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