I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
