I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
