My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
