Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize