I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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