there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
