tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
