You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
