At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
