I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
