You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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