His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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