just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
