Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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