I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
