he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
