Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
