Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
