You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
