my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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