He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
