sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
