Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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