I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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