I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The Olympian is in my bed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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