Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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