Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
