did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.