was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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