Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
