it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
