I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
