She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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