Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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