somebody snuck up and got me drunk
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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