Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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