He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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