jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
