he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my god I love twenty year old dicks
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
