Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
