i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
