Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
