Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
