honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
