You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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