We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
