You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm too high and old for this...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
