There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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