Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Pooping to opera.
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