OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
