The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
