Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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