I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
