Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
