I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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