the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
