Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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