matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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