Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize