First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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