i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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