does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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