dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
